This chapter explores how to recognize leverage, anticipate tactics, and ensure that every deal you make benefits you rather than leaving you at a disadvantage.
Learn to Negotiate
If You Don’t Ask, You Will Not Get.
They want you to take what you’re given. The salary they offer. The terms they set. The rules they write. They expect you to nod, accept, and move along. But here’s what they don’t tell you: everything is negotiable. From your paycheck to your lease to the way people treat you—almost nothing in this world is set in stone. If you don’t ask for more, you will not get more. If you don’t challenge bad terms, you will be stuck with them. Negotiation is not just for business deals. It is for life.
Why Negotiation is a Survival Skill
Every interaction has power dynamics. Knowing how to negotiate means knowing how to tip the scales in your favor.
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You make more money. Women who negotiate their salaries earn significantly more over their careers than those who don’t.
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You waste less time. If you know how to negotiate boundaries, expectations, and agreements, you don’t get steamrolled.
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You don’t get trapped in bad deals. Whether it’s a contract, a rental agreement, or a relationship—negotiation skills keep you from getting locked into bad situations.
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You gain confidence. Knowing how to advocate for yourself makes you harder to manipulate.
If you don’t negotiate for yourself, someone else will—and it will not be in your favor.
Recognizing When You Are in a Negotiation
Many people think negotiations only happen in conference rooms. They don’t. They happen everywhere.
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Job offers. Salary, benefits, vacation time—it’s all negotiable. Always ask.
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Debt and bills. Many “non-negotiable” fees can be lowered or waived if you challenge them.
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Rent and leases. Landlords want stability. You have leverage. Use it.
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Relationships. Time, effort, emotional labor—if one person is always giving more, the balance needs to be reset.
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Everyday interactions. If someone tries to push past your boundaries, you’re in a negotiation. Hold your ground.
Once you recognize that negotiation is constant, you can stop being a passive participant in your own life.
How to Negotiate Like You Mean It
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Always ask. The worst they can say is no. The best they can say is yes.
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Don’t accept the first offer. The first offer is rarely the best one. Push back.
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Know your worth. Whether it’s your salary, your time, or your energy—know what you bring to the table.
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Use silence to your advantage. People hate awkward pauses. Let them fill it.
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Be willing to walk away. If they know you need them, you lose power. If they believe you have options, you gain it.
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Have a counter-offer ready. Never reject something without offering an alternative.
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Be confident—even if you have to fake it. People will take you at your own valuation. Walk in like you expect to win.
First Task: Negotiate Something This Week
Start flexing this muscle immediately.
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Ask for a discount. A bill, a purchase, a service—see what happens.
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Challenge a fee or charge. Many companies remove them if you just push back.
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Say no to something unreasonable. And hold your ground when they push back.
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Have a salary negotiation conversation. Even if you’re not job hunting, practice. Know your market value.
"He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation."
— Robert Estabrook
Historical Reflection
Eleanor of Aquitaine
For most medieval queens, marriage was a cage. It was a way for men to trade power, consolidate land, and secure heirs—a political tool that reduced women to bargaining chips. Eleanor of Aquitaine did not accept that. She made the game work for her. Through strategy, alliances, and bold negotiation, she became one of the most powerful women of the Middle Ages, shaping the thrones of both France and England. She did not wait for power to be given to her—she negotiated it, seized it, and ensured that her voice would be heard.
Eleanor was born into one of the wealthiest and most powerful noble families in Europe. As the Duchess of Aquitaine, she controlled vast lands—territory so valuable that kings would kill for it. At just 15, she married Louis VII of France, instantly becoming queen. But when Louis attempted to rule without her input, treating her as an ornament rather than a partner, she maneuvered for an annulment—an almost unthinkable move for a medieval queen. Within months, she secured a second marriage—to Henry II of England. This was not just a personal decision—it was a calculated political shift. By marrying Henry, she transferred Aquitaine’s lands from France to England, making Henry more powerful than the French king himself. Unlike most queens, Eleanor negotiated her own terms, ensuring she retained control over Aquitaine. She was not merely a queen—she was a kingmaker.
As Henry’s queen, Eleanor refused to be a silent figurehead. When he began diminishing her authority, she did the unthinkable—she conspired with her own sons to overthrow him. She negotiated with Richard the Lionheart and her other sons to raise a rebellion against their father, leveraging alliances and brokering support across Europe. When the rebellion failed, Henry imprisoned her for 16 years. But even in captivity, she remained politically active. She wrote letters, brokered alliances, and ensured her sons remained loyal to her influence. When Henry died, she was released—and immediately moved to secure the throne for Richard. She ruled as his regent while he was away on the Crusades, commanding political authority that few queens had ever wielded. Even after Richard’s death, she maneuvered to keep her youngest son, John, on the throne, ensuring the survival of her dynasty.
Eleanor’s life was defined by negotiation, manipulation, and strategic alliances. She proved that marriage is a contract—and contracts can be rewritten. Power is rarely given freely—you must negotiate for it, demand it, and secure it on your terms. Even when imprisoned, underestimated, or dismissed, you can still shape the future—if you know how to make the right deals. She did not lead armies. She did not fight wars. But through negotiation alone, she controlled the fate of two of the most powerful kingdoms in Europe. Eleanor of Aquitaine was not just a queen—she was the architect of empires.