This chapter explores how power is often exercised in unseen ways, and how positioning yourself as a trusted voice can be more effective than overt control.
Using Soft Power
Real Power is Not Always Loud.
They expect power to look just like them; loud, aggressive, and demanding. They expect leadership to be about control, domination, and brute force. They don’t understand the kind of power that moves unseen, that persuades instead of commands, that changes minds without ever raising its voice. Enter, soft power.
Soft power is the ability to influence others through attraction and persuasion rather than coercion or force. It relies on cultural influence, diplomacy, values, and economic or ideological appeal to shape preferences and behaviors. It is more effective than intimidation, more lasting than fear, and more dangerous than they realize.
Why Soft Power is Effective
Force creates resistance. The harder they push, the more people fight back. Soft power, on the other hand, makes them believe the decision was theirs. When someone thinks they arrived at a conclusion on their own, they commit to it far more than if they were pressured into it. Soft power works because:
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It builds loyalty instead of compliance
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It makes people want to agree with you
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It turns their own people against them without direct conflict
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It works in places where direct opposition would fail
This is why they underestimate it. They are looking for obvious threats. You will not be one.
How to Influence Without Being Seen as a Threat
1. Shape the Narrative - Control over language is control over perception. They use words to twist reality—so you must do the same.
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Change the way a problem is framed. People resist “fighting injustice” but respond to “protecting their rights.”
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Use their own rhetoric against them. If they claim to value fairness, keep repeating “We just want fairness.” If they claim to protect families, ask why they are hurting families.
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Repeat simple messages, not complicated arguments. People remember short, clear statements more than facts or statistics.
2. Make People Believe the Idea Was Theirs - They will resist if they think they are being convinced. But if they think they arrived at the conclusion on their own, they will defend it.
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Ask questions instead of making statements. Instead of saying “That law is wrong,” ask “Who does that law really benefit?”
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Let them think they are leading the conversation. Guide discussions subtly, letting them talk themselves into agreement.
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Plant seeds and walk away. You don’t need to win an argument in the moment—let the thought sit in their mind until they claim it as their own later.
3. Leverage Social Proof - People are more likely to believe something if they think others already do.
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Make an idea seem popular, even if it is not. Say “Everyone is starting to see through this” instead of “I think this is wrong.”
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If you can convince one person in a group, others will follow. People fear being outliers.
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If an idea is gaining momentum, amplify it. If a movement is struggling, make it seem stronger than it is. Perception creates reality.
4. Use Influence Instead of Authority - People follow leaders they choose, not leaders they are forced to obey.
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Make them want to follow you. People trust those who listen to them more than those who command them.
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Give them small wins so they feel invested. If someone takes one small action for a cause, they are more likely to take bigger ones later.
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Be seen as a source of information, not orders. People resist being told what to do, but they are eager to share “something they just learned.”
5. Make Them Underestimate You - They fear loud rebellion, not quiet influence. If they think you’re harmless, they will not stop you.
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Play the role they expect, while working behind the scenes. Be agreeable in public, persuasive in private.
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Let them think they are in control. Guide them while making them believe they are leading.
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Don’t demand credit. The strongest influence is invisible. Let them believe they changed their own minds.
How to Cultivate Power Without Commanding It
1. Speak Less, Mean More - The more often you talk, the less weight your words carry. Speak only when necessary, and when you do, make it count. People listen to those who do not waste their voice. Silence is not a weakness, it is control.
2. Let Others Take the Spotlight While You Steer the Course - You do not have to be at the front to be in control. Some of the most powerful people in history have worked behind the scenes, placing others in visible positions while guiding from the shadows. Influence is not about being seen, it is about being felt.
3. Master Emotional Control - The one who controls their emotions controls the room. Those who remain steady in high-pressure moments automatically hold the upper hand. If you stay calm when others panic, if you do not react when provoked, people will instinctively look to you for leadership. When chaos rises, they will follow the one who stands firm.
4. Be Consistent - True authority is built over time. If you are steady, if your words match your actions, if you do not waver when the pressure rises, people will recognize that you are someone to be followed—not because you demand it, but because you earn it.
First Task: Practice Influence in a Small Way
Choose one of these tactics and try it this week:
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Instead of arguing, ask a question that makes someone rethink their stance
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Reframe a conversation so that your position sounds like common sense
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Make a message sound popular by repeating it as if it is already widely accepted
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Let someone else take credit for an idea you planted
"Power is like being a lady… if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t."
— Margaret Thatcher
Historical Reflection
Hatshepsut
Hatshepsut was never supposed to rule Egypt. As a woman in a rigidly patriarchal society, her power should have been limited to that of a queen or regent. But through careful strategy, persuasion, and an unmatched ability to shape perception, she became one of Egypt’s most successful pharaohs—without ever needing to seize power through force.
When her husband, Pharaoh Thutmose II, died, Hatshepsut was expected to step aside in favor of her stepson, Thutmose III. But the boy was too young to rule, so she became regent, managing Egypt’s affairs until he came of age. Instead of stepping down, she slowly redefined her role. She had herself depicted in statues as a man, wearing the traditional pharaoh’s beard—not to disguise herself, but to shift public perception into accepting her as a legitimate ruler. She used religious authority to strengthen her claim, declaring that the god Amun had personally chosen her to rule. She surrounded herself with loyal officials and priests, ensuring that any opposition was quietly sidelined rather than openly crushed. Without a single battle, she declared herself Pharaoh.
Unlike many of her male predecessors, Hatshepsut did not focus on war. Instead, she expanded trade routes, reopening Egypt’s ties with the wealthy land of Punt and bringing in gold, ivory, and exotic goods. She launched massive building projects, constructing temples, obelisks, and the famous Deir el-Bahari mortuary temple—monuments that reinforced her legitimacy. She kept Thutmose III in the royal court, ensuring he remained under her watchful eye while she ruled in his place. By the time she died, she had reigned for over 20 years, transforming Egypt into one of the wealthiest and most stable civilizations of its time.
After her death, Thutmose III finally took the throne. In a bid to reclaim his power, he ordered her name to be erased from monuments and official records—a calculated attempt to remove her from history. But he failed. Hatshepsut’s temples, statues, and inscriptions survived, proving that her influence was too great to be erased.
Hatshepsut is remembered not as an imposter, but as one of Egypt’s greatest rulers. She shaped perception rather than seizing power outright. She ruled for decades without military conquest, relying instead on diplomacy, trade, and religious legitimacy. She wielded authority so effectively that even her enemies had to destroy records to undo her impact. But history refused to forget her.
Historical Reflection
Empress Dowager Cixi
In a world where women were barred from direct political power, Empress Dowager Cixi controlled China for nearly 50 years—without ever officially ruling. She never declared herself emperor, never sat on the throne, and never led an army. Instead, she used manipulation, alliances, and strategic influence to hold power behind the scenes, proving that the strongest rulers are often the ones you don’t see coming.
Cixi began as a low-ranking concubine of Emperor Xianfeng, one of many women in the imperial harem. But she was far from ordinary. Clever, politically astute, and ambitious, she quickly became the emperor’s favorite and gave birth to his only surviving son, the future Emperor Tongzhi. When Xianfeng died, the court expected Cixi to retire into obscurity. Instead, she forged an alliance with the Emperor’s widow, Empress Ci’an, securing control of the imperial court. She orchestrated a palace coup, eliminating regents who tried to seize power. With her young son installed as Emperor Tongzhi, she ruled as his regent, dictating policy while maintaining the illusion that a male ruler was in charge.
For decades, Cixi mastered the art of ruling without appearing to rule. She placed puppet emperors on the throne—first her son Tongzhi, and after his death, her three-year-old nephew Guangxu—both of whom she controlled from behind the scenes. She played factions against each other, ensuring that no single group could challenge her authority. She wielded tradition as a weapon, never openly defying Confucian norms but bending them in ways that secured her influence. Under her control, China modernized its military, expanded its navy, and reformed its economy—all while appearing to simply “advise” the young emperors.
By the 1890s, reformers led by the young Emperor Guangxu attempted to strip Cixi of her power, believing she was too conservative. But they underestimated her. She launched a counter-coup, placed Guangxu under house arrest, and ruled openly in his name. She purged reformist officials, executing those who opposed her, and reasserted control over China until her death in 1908. Even in her final moments, she secured her legacy by appointing a child emperor, ensuring that no adult ruler could challenge her before she died.
Historians remain divided on Cixi’s rule—some see her as a shrewd strategist who modernized China, while others view her as a ruthless leader who clung to power at all costs. But one fact remains: she ruled the most powerful empire in the world for nearly half a century—without ever being named its leader.